I found myself always wanting to crawl back into bed and turn it into my own little dark comfy n’ cozy cocoon. My only company in the room was a huge cup of coffee, my dog, and the TV. I’d nap whenever I need to, which is pretty much always. I’d only get up to…Ummm eliminate the last coffee I drank, and of course, make myself a new one.
Friendship was pushed way back into the deepest recess of my mind.
Lucky for me, there’s pretty much always someone wanting something. Be it the guinea pigs whistling for me, the dog woofing at me, the hubby hinting to me or the kids asking outright, someone needs me for something. Even when they’re not here, there’s always something that has to be done. I know it may sound odd, that things like cooking, making lunches, doing the laundry, or cleaning the guinea pig cage help me, but they do. They give me purpose.
Our slightly loud, often chaotic household and the lives within it are what I get up for. Day after day they are what make me push myself to stay upright. Completing even a small task (though it usually feels enormous) gives me a sense of accomplishment.
Going to my mother’s for our weekly supper, not only gets me to dress a little nicer there’s conversation and I get cooked for! Thanks, Mom! Groceries…wipe me out, but they also get me out. School & Hubby’s schedule gets me up early but most importantly they get me up.
It’s been a bad two months; plain and simple! A great deal of energy (which is left very little for other things) has gone into staying upright. Every waking moment has taken an intense effort to stay just that; awake. I was struggling to find the joy of any kind.
Then, a friend helped turn it all around. I’m not sure if she did it intentionally or just that her timing was impeccable, but either way, she really helped me.
During my latest downward spiral, she popped by my place. Which lead to multiple phone calls, a quick visit or two at her work, she visited bringing coffee, goodies, and sewing stuff. We went shopping, nothing huge but it’s all been really enJOYable, every minute of it.
A while back we both developed health issues and circumstances changed. We stayed in touch and managed a few outings to our favorite store, yummy lunches, and uh let’s call it “camping”. What we didn’t do was spend nearly as much time together as we used to. We knew we could count on the other, the friendship was there but our time together had dwindled.
I think “frequency” is the word. As we began to spend more time together I began to feel better. The other day, I didn’t get dressed and I just wanted to crawl back into bed. She somehow pulled off gently nudging me to get up and get ready. Before I realized it she had me going out the front door. I enjoyed my day and we have plans for our next outing!
Things are a little brighter right now. I don’t have to waste my limited energy fighting the urge to crawl back into bed. A little each day I’m regaining my optimism. I’m starting to feel JOY again and my smile is growing more and more genuine.
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